Yesterday, was just a terrible no good very bad day. It started off with Rodney and I having a fight that caused me to ball my eyes out at work. That left me with a massive headache that worked it's way from the base of my neck to behind my eyes. I spent a good deal of time in my bosses garage trying to "talk things over" with Rodney. He called me back later to apologize to me but I was simply exhausted from the worrying, the arguing and the crying. We talked a little more about it but to be honest I just wasn't up for discussing it any more.
We got home, I made Mexican pizzas for dinner and helped Bailey with his homework. I spent some time with Rodney, yes in that way. Since that was what our big fight was all about. I figured after that we'd snuggle or watch a movie. Nope and honestly I needed to do my homework anyway.
Rodney played WoW and I ended up at my computer. I saw that Liam's dad had posted a picture of a slice of cake with 0.5 written on it and Happy Half Birthday written as the caption. Oh my God, how had I forgotten? I couldn't believe that it was his half birthday and I had forgotten. I started crying. Why is six months so much harder than six weeks? Was it just an emotional day for me? Rodney asked me if I was ok and I said, "I'm just sad. I guess I shouldn't be, I never could have given Liam a cruise to Italy." I looked around at our little apartment with it's furniture that is very mismatched. "Yeah, I couldn't have given him very much so it worked out for the best. He is loved and his is happy and he is already experiencing the world." Rodney tried to lighten the mood by saying, "I'm trying to figure out how I can get adopted I want to take a vacation please." I just wasn't in the mood. I went to bed listening to classical music.
We have a new little boy who just started yesterday. He reminds me a lot of Bailey as a baby. He has the somewhat curly, soft, black hair. He is just so fat like Bailey was with that caramel colored skin. I hold him to my face and he smells just like Bailey did as a baby. There is nothing more intoxicating than the smell of a baby. He smiles at me so hard his eyes disappear. I honestly want to just hold his little fat self all day long. I try not to though because it gets me to thinking of how much I want another baby, a baby of my own to have and to hold.
School is going well although I am still getting the hang of it. It's hard for me to "take notes" because I never really learned how to. I am teaching myself shorthand. I am also teaching myself APA format which is what all my papers have to be written in. Reading my COMP book has to be just about as boring as reading The Great Expectations, which I never finished because I, who love books, hated that boring ass book. I find myself rereading the same thing over and over. So today I started writing the definitions, that seems to help. My ECCE classes are much more interesting.
I'm still dealing with all my health aliments. I really have to find the time to go file for medicaid/disability medicaid. I work during the hours they are open though so that probably won't happen any time soon. It really sucks that my health has to take a back seat for now but hopefully once I finish school and become a teacher I will be able to afford health care for my family. Bailey is on medicaid but Rodney and I are up a creek without a paddle.
I think that is about as much complaining as I can do right now. In all honesty I am blessed to be back in school, to have Rodney and Bailey and all my friends and family. The other things will eventually fall into place, I just have to work hard and be patient.