Ok so Friday was 6 weeks, 6 weeks since I had given birth to Liam. I kept expecting a melt down or something to happen because 6 weeks is a big milestone. I remember taking Bailey to his 6 week check-up it was a big deal and all. I had no terrible feelings, I didn't get sad or angry. It was just a normal day.
I went to my postpartum check-up. The nurse who took all my vitals and my urine sample begin asking me questions; when did I deliver, who delivered the baby, what was his name, how much did he weigh, how much does he weigh now. I gave her all the info and then with the last question I said, "I believe his mom said he weighed 9 lbs at his month check up." She says, "His mom?" "Yes, I place him for adoption." I say. "Oh, are you doing ok?" "Yeah, no, really I'm fine" I answer. I feel like I have to reassure people that I'm not going to burst into tears it's almost like I have to be defensive in my affirmation that I am indeed doing just fine. She goes on to ask if I am taking vitamins and I tell her, "Yes, I'm still taking prenatals because I am pumping and donating to the baby." The baby? Why'd I say that? I wanted to say "to my son" but I thought she'd be confused, how do I refer to him to people? Hm.
The check up went fine, I am anemic again but that happens fairly often to me, as much spinach and collard greens as I eat it's hard to believe I could ever have a low iron count but I do. My thyroid glands are swollen, again as well. I had blood work drawn for that as well as for the normal tests they run on your blood when going to these visits. Apparently everything is "back in the right place" as my midwife put it. I am just waiting for the all clear on getting an IUD and am so ready to do that. I had a depo shot at the hospital after having Liam but the IUD is long term and just may get rid of my lovely monthly visitor.
As I was leaving I went by the check out desk and handed them my paper work. The lady says to me, "Where's the baby?" and so I told her, "I placed him for adoption." "OH MY GAWD! I am SOOOOO sorry!" she wails. Once again I felt myself reassuring a stranger that it was perfectly ok, no need to say sorry, no really I am fine, it's ok. She says "sorry" a couple of more times before I leave. By this point I am ready to strangle her. Why do I have to make you feel better for saying something stupid. Just let it go, it really didn't hurt my feelings. I hate that people tell me they are "sorry". Sorry for what? It's like the way you tell someone you are sorry for their loss when a family member dies. My son didn't die, I placed him in a loving home. I didn't lose anything, I gained two more family members. Please don't tell me you are sorry.
It's like people have this preconceived notion of how adoption goes and how you should react. I have to say I am one of those people but I am really trying to get better at it. After speaking with a fellow Atlanta birthmother or First Mother as she prefers to be called, I realized that I was doing that too. She parented her son for a while before placing him and I made some reference along the lines of "it must have been hard". >< Such a stupid thing to say, why didn't I ASK her how she felt about it. If I had I would have learned that she was actually really happy that she had been able to parent him for as long as she did. She is such a beautiful person and I truly admire her for her courage and her honesty. I do need to learn that adoption much like anything to do with parenting is not a "one size fits all" deal. What may work for one may not work for another and vice versa. My preconceived notions are not only offensive but ignorant.
That's about it for now, I am going back to work tomorrow. Going back full-time which means less time to update until I get the swing of things. I have to learn how to juggle being a mom, working full time, my goals for running and continuing to pump. I do all of this gladly but it may mean that until I do get into the swing of it again you will hear from me less. I will try to keep everyone updated as much as possible though. ;)